When you leave the large cities in America you come across a country side that is dotted with restaurants that you pretty much have to drive to. A lot of these can be chains such as TGI Friday and Arby's. Some of them are one off restaurants. Today I visited one for lunch that was a little "Not Right".
When you first walk into the place it seems fairly standard - most of these restaurants would probably seat say 100 - 200 people at a stretch. They generally have a bar as well as a separate dining area, with the dining area being made up of a combination of booths and free standing tables. And most of them do some kind of theme, be it sports memorabilia, cowboys, local colour etc. This particular place specialised in what can only be described as a "Animals wot we shot and mounted" theme. The hanging light fittings consisted of artfully arranged antlers. If there wasn't a dead animal head every 3 feet or so there was a fake, carved animal head. The whole effect was uncannily reminiscent of a 13th century Saxon hunting lodge - just with a lot more plastic table clothes.
Now I am quite fond of my place in the food chain and have no intrinsic objection to eating a good steak whilst surrounded by the cold, dead, staring eyes of beasts taken before their time from the animal kingdom. I even think that it is appropriate that the children eating a nice piece of venison are given a proper understanding of precisely what this means for Bambi on the wall over there.
However, I do draw the line at animatronic heads. Especially the animatronic head of ginormous black buffalo that every now and then speaks in a booming voice about how hungry he is and asks why he can't seem to feel his feet before mentioning the specials of the day. Not to mention the slightly creepy looking raccoon that pops out of a tree log and scans the room as if seeking sweet, sweet revenge before disappearing back into his log. And I don't even want to imagine what the talking deers head above the bar says.
Of course the most twisted thing is the fact that I will probably go back there again... although this time I am taking a rifle with me in case the raccoon tries to start anything.
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2 comments:
You should be used to the cold, staring eyes of dead animals already...you've been in New Hampshire for so damn long now! I am surprised you have not whipped out your camera to take that special taxidermy pic -one that could be mounted in my lovely apartment across the way :-))
that buffalo: what the hell
man I am going to have to find a authentic chav-themed pub to take you to in order to top this place
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